It’s Giving Tuesday.
You likely woke up thinking it would be straightforward: write a check, feel good, and move on.
Instead, you’ve found yourself in a full-fledged negotiation with your partner.
Together, you’ve allocated $500 for charity.
You wish to donate to your university.
Your partner wants to support malaria prevention.
Both charities provide a 1:1 match, but only if you contribute at least $400 to one or $500 to the other.
If you divide the funds, even 75/25, neither of you will qualify for the match.
To secure the match, one charity must “win” with an 80/20 or 100/0 allocation.
How will you navigate this?
But hold on.
This is when the actual issue arises.
Yesterday, you posted on Instagram about donating $500 to your alma mater today. Your alumni friends commented that they would donate too because of your post.
Your partner is unaware of this.
Yikes.
Now you’re anxious. If you back out, you risk appearing unreliable to your entire alumni network.
Yet, if your partner discovers you committed your shared funds publicly without prior discussion? They’d be livid.
Meanwhile, your partner suggests that you could fully support both causes if you forgo gift giving to relatives.
That’s fine for them. Their extended family doesn’t prioritize gifts. They could redirect that money to charity, benefiting everyone.
But YOUR family? They expect gifts — it’s a crucial part of your family dynamic. Arriving empty-handed would be catastrophic.
So do you extract this money from the budget at the cost of family relations? Or do you come to an uneven compromise? And how do you manage the potential social embarrassment of possibly going back on your promise?
This was today’s negotiation exercise.
Each week, we conduct LIVE negotiation practice sessions that mirror real-life situations you may encounter daily.
Today’s scenario involved spouses negotiating charitable contributions — how much to give, and to which causes?
Last week, it was siblings debating “Who will host Thanksgiving dinner?”
In the two weeks prior, we covered rental negotiations — landlord/tenant conflicts and apartment subletting.
We also practice neighbor disputes, like the “haunted house” that went all out for Halloween with skeletons, pumpkins, witches, and fog machines, and the neighbor who disliked the large, rowdy crowds next door.
We also practice requesting a raise, accepting job offers, dealing with difficult neighbors, addressing family conflicts, and school PTA meetings.
I firmly believe that negotiation cannot just be learned theoretically; it requires practice.
You negotiate consistently … with your partner, family, landlord, boss, and coworkers. Every single day.
These discussions shape your life. However, if you tend to avoid conflict, are shy, or aren’t accustomed to advocating for yourself, you may not present yourself as you wish.
That’s why practice is so crucial.
Here’s what made today successful:
Each participant received confidential information that the other person was unaware of.
When the supporter of the alma mater disclosed, “Actually, I publicly announced I’d donate $500,” the malaria supporter was genuinely taken aback. They had no idea and were not prepared for it.
When the malaria prevention advocate suggested, “Let’s skip gifts to support both causes,” the other participant felt a wave of dread. They instantly realized their family would despise that idea.
This is exactly how real life unfolds.
Your partner is unaware of your true concerns. You also have no idea what they are facing.
Yet, you must resolve this together.
And the only way to improve at that is through practice.
If you want to enhance your conversations that affect your finances, career, and relationships, come practice with us.
Once a week, we meet for a live, one-hour negotiation session.
Each time features a brand-new scenario.
You receive a confidential memo, negotiate in a breakout room, and then we regroup to discuss what worked, what didn’t, and the reasons behind it.
No preparation is needed. Each session is independent. First-timers are always welcome.
When you join Your Next Raise, you receive:
Immediate access to all course videos and materials
Weekly live practice sessions
Access to a community of individuals improving the same skills as you
Coaching, feedback, and an opportunity to experiment in a safe space before the real stakes arise
If you want to communicate effectively…
ask for what you need…
stay calm in challenging conversations…
and stop avoiding conflict due to discomfort…
This is your pathway to achieving that.
I look forward to seeing you at the next live practice.
And happy Giving Tuesday!
Today is Giving Tuesday.