Behavioral economist Etinosa Agbonlahor is here to talk about “money scripts,” which are the subconscious beliefs we inherit or develop regarding finances. Agbonlahor, who serves as the CEO of Decision Alpha and previously held the position of Director of Behavioral Science Research at Fidelity Investments, is the author of “How to Talk to Your Parents About Money.” With a background in financial management from Cornell University, she elucidates how these concealed biases can lead to challenges when discussing finances with family members.
You might think that everyone agrees on the importance of saving money, but your parents might have entirely different perspectives. Such discrepancies in financial scripts can hinder conversations before they even begin. Agbonlahor recounts the experience of a single mother who became so anxious about her finances post-divorce that she refused to buy her teenager expensive shoes. Years later, she realized she had been trying to instill extreme frugality in her daughters to shield them from the financial instability she had faced.
According to Agbonlahor, productive money discussions are anchored in three principles: care, curiosity, and cooperation. This involves approaching the conversation with empathy rather than criticism, asking open-ended questions to gain insight into their circumstances, and collaborating on solutions instead of positioning oneself as the financial authority.
The discussion addresses critical topics to bring up with aging parents, such as debt, retirement planning, long-term care preferences, and estate planning. Agbonlahor stresses the importance of initiating these dialogues early, before any emergencies arise. It’s vital to understand their retirement vision—whether they value security, seek adventure, or wish to leave a legacy—and to evaluate the gap between their aspirations and their current situation.
When parents are reluctant to engage in financial discussions, it might be necessary to involve trusted friends, spiritual leaders, or professional advisors who can facilitate these conversations.
Resources Mentioned:
Book: How to Talk to Your Parents About Money, by Etinosa Agbonlahor
The Humble Dollar Forum
Thanks to our sponsors!
OpenPhone
OpenPhone is an excellent business phone system that simplifies customer communication. Get 20% off your first 6 months at openphone.com/paula.
Mint Mobile
Take advantage of this new customer offer for a 3-month Unlimited wireless plan for just 15 dollars a month at mintmobile.com/paula.
Shopify
Register for a one-month trial at just one dollar per month and start selling today at shopify.com/paula.
Indeed
If you're in search of fantastic talent to enhance your team, turn to Indeed. Visit indeed.com/paula and begin hiring with a $75 sponsored job credit.
Behavioral economist Etinosa Agbonlahor highlights important subjects to talk about with aging parents: managing debt, planning for retirement, preferences for long-term care, and estate planning.